EP’s Friday Light Relief

EP’s Light Relief

Come Wheat May

A new web game has taken the internet by storm this week. The game lets you be Theresa May running through a field of wheat. You have to see how far you can get, while avoiding Jeremy Corbyns along the way… Click here to play

 

Life size cakes

Did you spot a life sized Ed Sheeran cake at The O2 this week? As their real-life counterparts embark on a series of special gigs to mark 10 years of The O2, famed food artist Lara Mason was commissioned to create life-size confectionery statues of Ed Sheeran, Celine Dion and Jamiroquai.

Loyal address by Richard Benyon MP
“Someone once said to me that deprivation in west Berkshire was when Waitrose runs out of balsamic vinegar”

“In the election I faced a Labour candidate that was born the year after I was selected to fight the seat I hold. Teams of therapists will be needed for me to confront the brutal reality that I’ve gone from young thruster to old codger, with nothing in between.”
 
Reply by Kwasi Kwarteng MP
“May I reassure the PM I am still young, still thrusting.”
 
“When the exit poll was revealed there were gasps of anguish, despair and deep, bitter disappointment – and that was only members of the Parliamentary Labour Party.”

How to evict Corbynista supporting sons…disable the Wi-Fi

“The builders carrying out Mrs U’s kitchen-expansion scheme inadvertently cut off the landline — and with it the wi-fi — while they were renewing ancient wiring. So for the best part of two days, we lost access to the internet.
 
To me, it was a blessed release to have the house free from the usual blizzard of emails from PR girls, supermarkets, garden furniture shops, political parties and fraudsters trying to con me out of my life savings.
 
But our sons took the loss of the internet very differently. Reader, they were destitute. It was as if they were marooned in a nuclear winter, cut off from life support and everything that mattered to them.
 
They had no music or amusing video clips to download. No social media to tell them what their virtual friends were up to. No access to loony-Left blogs, peddling fake news, confirming their prejudices and directing them to like-minded halfwits in the vast echo-chamber of the web.
 
I realised that our sons could no more survive without the internet than I could get by without my daily fix of innumerable Marlboro Reds.
 
Was this the solution to my problem? There was no point in charging them rent, since they were in no position to pay. And I hadn’t the heart to starve them.

But why not cancel our subscription to our service provider and declare Utley Towers an internet-free zone?”  Full story here.

Man sent home from work for wearing shorts in over 30°C heat comes back in a dress. When call centre worker Joey Barge was sent home from work after turning up in shorts, he had the perfect response – returning later that day wearing a vibrant pink dress. Read more here.

This website will tell you if a robot is going to take your job

According to a research paper by Oxford University, automation threatens occupations across a spectrum of professions. 

The findings of the study were input to a website, which allows you to find out the likelihood that certain occupations will be automated

One writer commented on the irony: “You’re asking me to ask an automaton whether an automaton will take my job?” Visit the website here

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